The worst

No matter the situation, the time of day, the circumstances, the context, every single thing is now the worst.

It’s the worst when I wake up without you. It’s the worst when I go to bed and you’re not there. It’s the worst when I have to make a decision alone. It’s the worst when I have to sort the pills myself. It’s the worst when I go to one of our favorite places solo. It’s the worst when it’s our anniversary. It’s the worst when it’s just a random Tuesday. It’s the worst when I find a meme that would make you laugh. It’s the worst when someone says something stupid and I can picture your eyeroll. It’s the worst when you’re the only person I want to talk to. It’s the worst when I can’t share every thought that pops into my head. It’s the worst when I remember something and I want to reminisce together. It’s the worst when I take up more than my allotted half of the quilt and you don’t yell at me. It’s the worst when I stay up too late, and when I go to bed early. It’s the worst when I wake up early, and when I sleep in. It’s the worst when I dream of you and know still in my dream that you’re not alive anymore. It’s the worst when I have a weird dream and I don’t get to tell you about it in the morning. It’s the worst when a funny episode of Comedy Bang! Bang! comes out and I laugh about it by myself. It’s the worst when I find a strand of your hair and save it for later. It’s the worst when I use some of your body wash in the shower just to remind myself of how good you always smelled. It’s the worst when I have to make an appointment. It’s the worst when I need customer service and you aren’t there to save the day. It’s the worst when I learn a new fun fact. It’s the worst when I reach out to hold your hand on the couch, in the car, on a walk, and it’s nowhere to be found. It’s the worst when I have to update information. It’s the worst when someone asks how I’m doing.

Everything used to be better simply because of you. You made everything the best. In your absence, colors and tastes are dull. Jokes aren’t so funny. Without your endless patience, your sparkling smile, your absolute conviction that brighter days were just on the horizon, everything is the worst.